Keep On Keeping On!

I guess I was wrong... in the real world, maybe things do change. I got an e-mail in response to the latest blog post.

In retrospect, I think I was having a bit of a pity party that day, and needed to vent some of it on the blog.

Pessimism is not normally my thing... at least I try not to let it be. This e-mail set me straight in ways that only your closest of friends and family can. Thanks, Nancy!

Anyway, here's a li'l part of what I received. There was more, but I think what I've included will give you a (much needed) better angle on being a member of the 'Club' than my previous post offered. Sorry for the misdirection!
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Johnny,

That was a TV show. The writers had it wrong. It most certainly changes. You do exist. Your dad would not want you to feel that you can't. Embrace those you have and love them, and exist with all your might!

Eventually you will be able to focus on being what your dad would want you to be. Johnny the dad, the husband, the talented and funny guy. That will happen if you let it.

Don't get me wrong, I still cry. Buddy is everywhere in this house and in our hearts. Friday nights will never be the same again, but Friday nights are still here - and Jesus is also here easing the pain.

Don't think that it will never change. It will. It changes from hurt, to comfort in the memories.

- Nancy
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That's right you know. And, I have been existing. Sometimes it feels like I just don't know what to do about the hole that's been left behind.

Self-centered as this may be, I wasn't finished with Dad being here. I know God - in His all-knowing & infinite wisdom kind of way - knew what was going on, and I do trust his plan. Selfishly, however... I wasn't finished!

That being said, we do continue to exist with all our might. We take family outings, attend school functions and community events, etc (heck Dina's even PTA President next year at Austins' school)... and yes, I do focus on being the dad, husband, etc., that I was raised to be.

While, things will never be the same again... Friday nights, as Nancy's e-mail said, are still here. So our the other six days of the week... and Jesus IS here, easing the pain!

I'll close with a passage God laid on my heart while I was typing this. While growing up, we Ellis kids got a lot of motivational, goal setting speeches thrown at us. This passage, which I heard Dad use in sermons many times, is quite a reminder that where we are is not the finish line... Stay focused on the Goal!

Philippians 3:12-14 (from The Message)
I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward - to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back.

Thank God for memories, for the future & the new memories that the future brings with it!

Keep on Keeping On! The Best IS Yet to Be!!
Johnny:)

Always Something There to Remind Me

Dina really enjoys Grey's Anatomy. Most of the time I do too...

Tonights' episode was a re-run of an 2 part episode called Six Days that originally aired back in January. I didn't watch both parts back then. Not sure whether I should have tonite, either.

For those of you that don't watch... it's a show about a bunch of surgical interns and their supervisors at fictional Seattle Grace Hospital.

In Part 2 - George's (one of the interns) Dad, who's been suffering from cancer, is no longer breathing on his own. The O'Malleys (George's family) are told that their father is now completely dependent on life support and that it's their choice if they want to prolong his life or pull the plug. They all turn to George to ask what he thinks.

He tells them that his Dad's not going to wake up and that it's time.

George's family all gathers around Mr. O'Malley's bed. His mother kisses his father goodbye and then they disconnect his life support.

Afterward, Cristina (another intern - who's normally not the one with the best bedside manner) is the one to find George and comfort him... telling him that no one understands until you've gone through it, and that she lost her father and she joined the 'Dead Dad's Club' when she was 9. She also tells him that she's sorry he had to join the club. (Click here for link to clip)

George says, "I don't know how to exist in a world where my Dad doesn't..."

"Yeah, that never really changes", Cristina responds.

She's right, you know... it never really changes!

I miss you Dad!
Johnny

Has it really been another month already?

So how was your Mother's Day? Our weekend was nice for the most part, I guess.

So, that doesn't seem very enthusiastic? Surpisingly enough - when you're missing your father... apparently even Mother's Day can be tough.

And when the person you're missing has always hounded you to make sure your family was ALL in church wherever he was going to be on Mom's Day; it stirs lots of memories.

Dina, the Boys & I got to spend some time Saturday with Trish, Tony, Jeannine, Joy & Zoe. Lots of fun hanging out with those little ones!

We got up early Sunday to start a day that, especially for Dina I think, seemed to last forever. We tried to pamper her a bit (although not nearly enough), but I'm pretty certain that the comfort she was searching for this day - was nowhere to be found.

I snuck over midday briefly to see my Mom before she & Ralph headed out to Tricia Lynn's for a BBQ, but heading home... I realized that I was ready for another holiday to be over.

Tony's birthday is tomorrow (Happy birthday Tony!). At the end of the month it's Memorial Day, then Austin's birthday, Father's Day, My birthday & Independance Day.

Then Dad's comes along, followed by Zoe's & Dina's birthdays. Jimmy's not far behind, then Labor Day and... well you probably get the picture. Special occasions are everywhere.

Did you know Tony & Jeannine's littlest daughter, Zoe, was born shortly after midnite way back on the 18th of July - while Dad was still in the SICU.

I guess that's the way it's supposed to be, though. How's the saying go? One life ends as another begins.Yes, life is supposed to go on!

Zoe's a good example of that... and I'm not the only person that noticed. She was born about 36 hours after Dad's aneurysm. As the final months of his time on earth washed over us; her young, beautiful life was just beginning.

As she grows, her age will be a constant reminder of exactly how long it's been. But, the days have to pass by, with new memories established. It certainly doesn't seem any easier though, that's for sure!

God Bless, and Happy 7 months...
Johnny:)

ps: Tina Clark, a member of PFB from way back - and one of the most wonderful women I've ever known - passed away a week and a half or so ago. We continue to pray for comfort and solice for her family & friends.

We'll miss you, Tina!

I'm sure that Dad on the other hand, is extremely excited to see you! Knowing you Tina, it wasn't long before he had you convinced to cook up some of that awesome catfish for him!