I guess I was wrong... in the real world, maybe things do change. I got an e-mail in response to the latest blog post.In retrospect, I think I was having a bit of a pity party that day, and needed to vent some of it on the blog.
Pessimism is not normally my thing... at least I try not to let it be. This e-mail set me straight in ways that only your closest of friends and family can. Thanks, Nancy!
Anyway, here's a li'l part of what I received. There was more, but I think what I've included will give you a (much needed) better angle on being a member of the 'Club' than my previous post offered. Sorry for the misdirection!
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Johnny,
That was a TV show. The writers had it wrong. It most certainly changes. You do exist. Your dad would not want you to feel that you can't. Embrace those you have and love them, and exist with all your might!
Eventually you will be able to focus on being what your dad would want you to be. Johnny the dad, the husband, the talented and funny guy. That will happen if you let it.
Don't get me wrong, I still cry. Buddy is everywhere in this house and in our hearts. Friday nights will never be the same again, but Friday nights are still here - and Jesus is also here easing the pain.
Don't think that it will never change. It will. It changes from hurt, to comfort in the memories.
- Nancy
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That's right you know. And, I have been existing. Sometimes it feels like I just don't know what to do about the hole that's been left behind.
Self-centered as this may be, I wasn't finished with Dad being here. I know God - in His all-knowing & infinite wisdom kind of way - knew what was going on, and I do trust his plan. Selfishly, however... I wasn't finished!
That being said, we do continue to exist with all our might. We take family outings, attend school functions and community events, etc (heck Dina's even PTA President next year at Austins' school)... and yes, I do focus on being the dad, husband, etc., that I was raised to be.
While, things will never be the same again... Friday nights, as Nancy's e-mail said, are still here. So our the other six days of the week... and Jesus IS here, easing the pain!
I'll close with a passage God laid on my heart while I was typing this. While growing up, we Ellis kids got a lot of motivational, goal setting speeches thrown at us. This passage, which I heard Dad use in sermons many times, is quite a reminder that where we are is not the finish line... Stay focused on the Goal!
Philippians 3:12-14 (from The Message)
I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward - to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back.
Thank God for memories, for the future & the new memories that the future brings with it!
Keep on Keeping On! The Best IS Yet to Be!!
Johnny:)